Moving from Shame to Self Worth
Welcome to my first blog post. I hope those who read these posts, take away a little something and perhaps learn to love themselves in the process. First I want to put a disclaimer out into the universe. I absolutely adore Brene’ Brown. Her work is amazing, and has taught me so much about shame, fear, courage, compassion, and being authentic.
I have my own personal story (we all do) and I have had to work really hard at getting out of shame and moving into a genuine feeling of self-worth. Listen, it wasn’t easy. Changing my thinking patterns from “I’m worthless” to “I’m worthwhile” was, and still is sometimes, a journey uphill, through snow, without shoes (If I say it that way, does it make sound too hard?). I don’t mean to say it’s impossible. I just want to compliment those ahead of me who have made this journey and shown me it is a road I, too, can share. As a therapist, I hope to guide others on the journey out of shame and into the nearest mirror where they look at themselves and say “I AM MY OWN HERO AND I BELONG”. Maybe even throw out a little smart-ass smirk while shouting “I BELONG WHEREVER I WANT TO BELONG”.
When talking to clients, I like to use the analogy muscle vs fat for self-worth vs shame. Fat takes up a lot of negative space yet weights the same as muscle (i.e., 1 pound of muscle is equivalent to 1 pound of fat). When we are working towards moving out of shame and into self-worth, I believe it’s a daily, if not minute by minutes, act of kindness we want to show ourselves. Here is a good way of looking at it; If I go to the gym one day, I cannot expect to have developed muscle overnight. I may have worked that muscle out, and it may be really sore, but it’s not realistic to think I can come home, flex my biceps and go gaga over what I did in under 60 minutes. I believe it’s the same with self-worth. It takes time to get ourselves out of the habit of negative self-talk. Self-worth is a muscle that needs work every day in order to develop properly. When I first started this journey, I had to remind myself all the time that I was “worth it”. I would also constantly ask myself the question of “Worth what??”, “what will everyone else think?”. At some point, I began to realize I had nothing to lose and everything to gain by loving myself without the world’s approval.
I try to remind myself every day that I’m worthy, I’m lovable, I’m deserving, I’m grateful, and I have something to offer. I will be honest and let you know there are days when I get caught in a “shame storm”. When those days happen, I work hard to pull out of it because the longer I stay there, the more “fat” starts to pile up. My goal with this blog is to share some of my personal journey through shame, fear, self-loathing, and the “I’m not enough” story. I want to share it because I want others to also find their way out of the darkness, out of the “shame fat” and into a place where their own mirror reflects back self-love, self-worth, and perhaps a little “I just kicked shame’s ass!”.
